The Power of Choice

The last few days have gone in a tizzy and I have not had the chance to blog for quite sometime. Now that I am back to normalcy, thought would pick up the thread where I left...

Thinking of the many things that I can write on... the happenings of the last few days... the whirlpool of activities going around me for the last few weeks... etc etc... but I thought I will just give it a break and look ahead...Which in my opinion is the best thing to do.... coz looking back only takes you down the memory lane which are best forgotten.. So I decided that its time to look ahead with a fervor and zeal which may and should surpass the previous enthusiasm that I had as regards everything in life...

Of the many things that I have been thinking in the last few days, the one which I thought I will write on is the Power of Choice... the power which all of us have but very few of us realise and still a very few exercise in real life...

As Rousseau, the great Philosopher, exclaimed " man is born free but everywhere he is in chains"... is it really true or is it the figment of our imagination... True we are born in to a certain family, a certain culture and are part of a society which has its own inherent biases... but does that gives us the excuse to behave in a particular way or to function (or not to function) in a given way... As I said in one of my earlier blogs, that everyone has a right to happiness... similarly all of us have a right to and a power to choose the type of life that we have decided to live...

I always tend to look at life from the perspective of a journey and me being the traveller (people who know me closely would immediately recognise this bias coming from Paulo Coelho and his immensely inspirational books especially The Alchemist which has influenced me to a great extent)... In the journey of our life we are often confronted with bi, tri and multiple furcation and division in the road each inviting us to travel on it with promises of things which are blissful as well as fulfilling at the destination.... most traveler takes these roads in the hope that they will get at the end to what they have always cherished for... but has anybody ever thought of the journey on the way... is it going to be equally fulfilling, satiating or even pleasant to make the overall experience of the traveler worthwhile... All our life we struggle in our path and travel circuitous routes to arrive at the Utopia of our dream but alas.... at the end the thought always arises : "Is the chase worth the trophy?"... By the time we reach Utopia either we are too old or too sick to even appreciate the beauty of it.. come to think of it... the cherished destination for which we have been traveling our entire life coming to noughts...

Besides also if we look the Power of choice each of us have, it also gives us the power to be or not to be in a particular situation, condition or context... In this regard I vividly remember the last scene of movie Hellboy in its climax scene when the villain Rasputin captures Hellboy's lady love and telling Hellboy that she will only come back to life only if he complies to becoming evil (that he was originally destined to become from birth).... Hellboy, not wanting to lose his lady love awakens his true power as the devil, causing his devilish power to regrow. He nearly releases the devil, but the injured FBI agent working with him reminds him of who he is and that he has the right to choose his own path. Remembering his true self and what his father brought him up to be, he snaps back to reality and becomes the good self that he was previously and unleashes destruction for the evil forces...

There is 2 great lessons for us here: that is firstly about choosing between which path to undertake one's journey on and also that fact that a given situation,context, your background or the biases (that I was talking about earlier ) will not matter much if you have a strong resolve to exercise your Power of choice...

I always share this with people with whom I interact at a personal level:
"Listen closely to your heart and do its bidding... For when the heart calls its call has to be answered coz mind rationalises but the heart takes an informed decision based on its awareness of the type of person you are... "

So Go on... Exercise your Power of Choice...

Aude Sapere

When I wrote in my blog that I prefer taking the unbeaten track and dance to the beats of a distant drummer, I did not quite remember the last time when I did so. May be it was about a year or 2 back but since then the interval in between have been populated with so many events that it seems to be ages away...

May be in the interval in between I have grown comfortable in my self-created cocoon or may be the situation have been so that I have preferred to choose more comfort in the process..

I still remember when I was student of Homoeopathy when we as student used to study the philosophy of Homoeopathy written by the founder Dr. Samuel Hahnemann called the Organon of Medicine, the most prominent thing that I remember to this day is a quotation from Horace which Hahnemann had put in the beginning of the book - "Aude Sapere".... This translates in to its English equivalent "Dare to be Wise". Hahanemann goes on to explain that in science we must be willing to explore, think innovatively and basically step out of our comfort zone... That's when we will step in to hitererto unexplored realm and sail in to uncharted water...

The significance of this statement and the quotation had a profound effect on my life as continuously I have denied being cast in to a mould and always have an inner restlessness to venture out in to the unknown and explore new avenues...

I may say that I always have heard to my heart's calling and let it rule over my mind most of the time... This has always earned rich dividend for me in not only giving me a better experience but also making me a stronger and better person than I have been previously...

True, sometimes I lose sight of this fact and slip in to a comforting lull only to be waked rudely by my inner spirit which is always restless and untiring... This has always enabled me to chart in to uncharted water and make a difference to myself and to the lives of those I come across in the course of my journey...

Time and again I have come across people, my 'superiors' and well wishers who think that they can take control of this spirit, tame it, repress it and in the process make it more 'content' and 'settled' in life... But each time I have broken from such mould and went on to explore new territories...

It is not because either I am arrogant, insolent or insensitive to their feelings... But somewhere deep down I feel that this constant drive of my spirit is what keeps me going, not letting me get in to the mould or be part of a crowd... I think this is the strength which incessantly drives me forward in life...

When I was a child we used to read Ulyses by Lord Alfred Tennyson where the protagonist exhorts his ship mate thus:

"It little profits that an idle king, By this still hearth, among these barren crags....
That hoard and sleep, and feed, and know not me.
I cannot rest from travel: I will drink Life to the lees....

Thro’ scudding drifts the rainy Hyades Vext the dim sea: I am become a name;
For always roaming with a hungry heart...

Yet all experience is an arch wherethro’ Gleams that untravell’d world,
whose margin fades For ever and for ever when I move.
How dull it is to pause, to make an end,
To rust unburnish’d, not to shine in use!
As tho’ to breathe were life. .....

... this gray spirit yearning in desire To follow knowledge, like a sinking star,
Beyond the utmost bound of human thought...

Old age hath yet his honour and his toil; Death closes all:
but something ere the end, Some work of noble note, may yet be done...

Come, my friends, ’Tis not too late to seek a newer world...

Push off, and sitting well in order smite The sounding furrows;
for my purpose holds To sail beyond the sunset,
and the baths Of all the western stars until I die... "

So is it for me.... I will always keep n setting up the sails of my ship in new directions and let the strong wind of my spirit and destiny guide me to places where no one has ever been... To a place which has always been my Utopia....

Happiness in relationships

Continuing on the theme of happiness and the intricacy of how, where and when we can get it, I must share my feelings here...

For last few days, in fact for last 1 year I have a strange aloofness from relationships in a way which is somewhere closer to the self detachment as prophesised by the Mahatma himself... Well you may think it a bit going over the board but again I am being totally honest here...

Talking about my previous self, I was really concerned about what people might think about the way I interacted with them, the way I worked and in fact the way I functioned.. I used to really get concerned about whether I have offended anyone or or put off anybody with anything... Not any more... (Though here I must emphasise the fact that I am very concerned and particular about not hurting people intentionally)...

Over a period of time I have come to realise that no matter what you do and how much more you strive, you will not be able to please everybody all the time... There will be some voices of dissatisfaction, disgruntlement and anger from some corner..

What I have come to realise is the fact that whatever little time we have been given by providence to spend in our earthly life, we should be happy and make others happy and overall create a happy ambiance to one's self...

I firmly believe that everybody has a right to happiness and of spending his/her life in peace, tranquility and contentment... Hence i refuse to be part of a relationship which continuously seeks to hurt me and never at any point of time gives back anything in return... Simply put, I refuse to be in a selfish relationship which only demands a never ending list of things to be done at my end but in return is very quiet about the deliverable that they have to deliver from their end...

I strongly believe human relationship to be a much more mutual one and more of a give and take affair... In a relationship, each person/party has to cover the same distance (if not more) and has to do what is expected of each before true happiness can be had from the given relationship...

I always tell this to people I love: People who care for you will never hurt you and those who hurt you will never care for you...

Before anybody among you run away with the notion that all is not well in heaven for me... Lemme correct you here in saying that indeed everything is well in heaven for me... This is just my sharing of experience from my life about how I see things... ;)

What is happiness?

Another peep in to the deep recesses of human complexities and what they mean by the term happiness from Paulo Coelho. It indeed struck me as how we all pretend to be happy while in reality very few of us are 'really' happy. In the daily mad rush of life when sustenance and maintaining a certain standard of living becomes the foremost goal, when the destination becomes more important than the journey, when matter takes precedence over man in one's priority in life... in such an existence human being is reduced to a machine performing mechanical functions of what is being programmed in to it...

Here is the excerpt of the writing from the great man...

This is a question that has not bothered me for a long time, precisely because I don’t know how to answer it. I am not the only one. Through all these years I have lived with all sorts of people: rich and poor, powerful and mediocre. In the eyes of all who have crossed my path – and here I include warriors and wise men, people who should have nothing to complain about - I have always found that there was something missing. Some people seem to be happy: they just do not think about it. Others make plans: “I’m going to have a husband, a home, two children, and a house in the country”. While this keeps them occupied, they are like bulls looking for the bullfighter: they don’t think, they just keep moving forward. They manage to get their car - sometimes even a Ferrari – and they think that the meaning of life lies there, so they never ask the question. Yet, despite all that, their eyes betray a sadness that they themselves are quite unaware of.

I don’t know if everyone is unhappy. I do know that people are always busy: working overtime, looking after the kids, the husband, the career, the university degree, what to do tomorrow, what they need to buy, whatever it is they need to have in order not to feel inferior, and so on. Few people have ever told me: “I’m unhappy”. Most say: “I’m fine, I’ve managed to get all I ever wanted”. So then I ask: “What makes you happy?” They answer: “I have everything that a person can dream of – a family, a home, work, good health”. I ask again: “Have you ever stopped to wonder if that is all there is to life?” They answer: “Yes, that’s all there is”. I insist: “So the meaning of life is work, the family, children who grow up and leave you, a wife or husband who will become more like a friend than a true love-mate. And one day the work will come to an end. What will you do when that happens?” They answer: there is no answer. They change the subject. But there is always something hidden there: the owner of a firm who has still to close the deal he has always dreamed of, the housewife who would like to have more Independence or more money, the new graduate who wonders whether he has chosen his career or has had it chosen for him, the dentist who wanted to be a singer, the singer who wanted to be a politician, the politician who wanted to be a writer, and the writer who wanted to be a peasant...

In this street where I am sit writing this column and looking at the people passing by, I bet that everyone is feeling the same thing. That elegant woman who has just walked by spends her days trying to stop time, controlling the bathroom scales, because she thinks love depends on that. On the other side of the street I see a couple with two children. They live moments of intense happiness when they go out with their kids, but at the same time their subconscious is busy thinking about the job they might not get, the tragedies that might occur, how to get over them, how to protect themselves from the world.

I leaf through magazines filled with famous people: everybody laughing, everybody very happy. But since this is a segment of society that I am quite familiar with, I know it is not like that: everyone is laughing or enjoying themselves at the moment that photo is taken, but at night, or in the morning, the story is always quite different. “What can I do to keep on appearing in the magazine?”, “how can I disguise not having enough money to afford all this luxury?” or “how can I manage this life of splendor to make it even more luxurious, more expressive than other people’s?”, “the actress whom I am seen with in this photo, laughing and having a great time, she could steal my part tomorrow!”, or “I wonder if my clothes are nicer than hers. Why do we smile so much if we loathe one another?”

To end, I recall the words of Jorge Luis Borges: “I will not be happy any more, but that doesn’t matter, / there are many other things in this world”.

The good Samaratian

Driving in the roads of Hyderabad can be nightmarish sometime as the traffic is so unpredictable and more so with the auto rickshaw which seems to jump out of no where and block your way... there are 2 options in such situation.. either screech to a halt by applying break suddenly (if you are attentive enough) or the other one is a much painful one where you just smash in to them causing damage to both the vehicles apart from injuries....

Yesterday, when I was coming back from my sister's house, one such 3 wheeled monster jumped right in front of me from the side and tried to overtake me.. I cursed under my breath as I screeched to a halt.. I cursed all auto rickshaws of Hyderabad under my breath and drove away..

Suddenly I remembered Shiva then...

It was the summer of 2004 when I set out for Mumbai with loads of dreams in my eye for appearing in the selection test of the Premier Tata Institute of Social Sciences (TISS)... I along with one of my senior took the Konark express from Bhubaneswar to Mumbai... To our pleasant surprise we also found out that one of my college teacher (who used to teach us Zoology) was also on the train along with his daughter and incidentally they were also going to TISS for the same selection test.. It was a pleasant coincidence and we set out from Bhubanesawr with the anticipation of a pleasant journey to Mumbai... In the coach also we met a young Marathi doctor by the name Gajanan from Solapur who was working in Orissa in some private company... We all had great time together as we chit chatted throughout the way and our teacher would reminisces on the old days and how student of today are spoiled and lack the dedication of our generation...

The next day we reached Secunderabad at about mid day and the train reached the station on platform no. 7. As Ganjanan was a frequent traveler he told us that the train would stay for about half an hour and we could stretch our limbs and also could go to platform no. 1.. As my senior wanted to purchase some medicine, we decided to go to platform no. 1... In platform no. 1 when we looked across we could not see our train as there were many trains which were there in the intermediary platforms.. Hence we relied on the public address system and went about the purchase of my senior's medicine.. one work after another cropped up for all of us and before we knew nearly 20 mins. had passed and we all scrambled back to platform no. 7....

But the platform was empty and our train had left...

perplexed and confused we looked at each other in utter disbelief and bewilderment... We came early but yet the train had left.. How this can possibly happen.. We asked railway workers nearby and they explained that sometimes if a train is running late, it leaves the platform earlier than scheduled.. true enough... the train was running late already.. but then they must have announced it in the P.A system.. How could we not hear it?.... Now what will we do? all of us were in our shorts and sleep-in trousers.. all our belonging was in the train including our certificates, clothes et al...

We rushed to the station master to enquire if there is any way the train can be alerted about these developments so that at least in the next station they debunk our luggage which we then can collect.. the station master though sympathetic to our plight expressed his inability to do so as it was not permissible officially... In desperation we rushed outside and were thinking what to do...

Thats when we heard a very soothing voice...

"Kya hua saab... train chhut gayee kya?"

We noticed a auto driver in his early twenties asking us with concerned face...

We nodded in agreement... He found out the train's name and told us if we rush to the next station (I think it was Begumpet) then we may catch it... However, in the entire conversation he never suggested that we may take his auto for this dash...

Seeing his helpful nature, we decided to hire him and hopped in to his auto.. He drove like a mad bull, bypassing motorist and much to our embarrassment, traffic signals... We reached Begumepet station but found out that the train had left the station just a few moments ago...

Refusing to give up Shiva ( for that was his name) asked us to sit in the auto and thought of chasing the train to the next station from which we dissuaded him.. Gajanan then told us if we can go by road fast enough to a place called Wadi Junction(about 4 hours drive from there) then we may be able to catch the train which stays for some 30 mins in that station (as it is a big junction)...

Then again we turned to our hero Shiva and asked him to take us to some taxi which will take us.. He obediently obliged and took us to them... However, we had little luck here also as most taxi driver said that with the traffic of Hyderabad city, it would take nearly 1 to 2 hours to hit the highway and from there it would take another 4 hours by which time the train already would have left Wadi..

Then Gajanan had an idea... He decided to call his brother and asked him to come to the station at Solapur, inform my teacher about how we have missed the train, break the chains (binding our luggages together), and unload his luggage and hand over our luggage to my teacher.. Further he was instructed to wait for Gajanan in Solapur station....

We asked Shiva and he informed us that the next train to Mumbai was the Charminar express and if we hurry we may get on it... As all of were in so run down condition with even our cash and everything in the train, we had only barely enough to either pay off Shiva (by the way he had a bill of Rs. 350 for the entire period) or buy us tickets in the general compartment of the next train...

As happens in most city, so also in Hyderabad, some owners travel with the auto along with the driver to check on cheating by the driver.. So also was the case with Shiva who had a nosey owner with him... " Haan saab haan, chalo Rs. 350 de do... Hum ko jaana hey.." said solemnly Shiva's owner... We were quite and could not say anything... This asking for money went on for some time...

"Aap rehendo.." Said Shiva to his owner , now stepping in to the conversation. " aap saab jaa kar ticket khareed lo, nahin toh train chhut jaayegi" then as if chiding his owner he said " itni musibat aap logon pe aa gayee hey.. aap log jaldi ticket karke jaao aur exams do.." he said in all sincerity and earnestness and told his owner that he will work extra time that day to give him back that money...

we were all moved by his act of generosity and kindness. We were amazed to see the magnanimity and humaneness which an ordinary auto driver can have when put to extraordinary circumstances..

We bought ticket, took his mobile number and address and promised to pay up on our return...

"Koyee baat nahin hey saab, aap log thik thak pahunch jaao aur jis kaam ke liye jaa rahey ho ho jaye, itna kaafi hey" He said in his own simplistic and unassuming way.. We were all weighed down with the burden of his kindness...

We reached Mumbai in the wee hours of the next day and found my teacher with our luggage.. All of us got a good scolding for being so careless and reckless.. Nevertheless we were happy to find back our possessions and left for TISS..

After the screening test, I returned back home.. Before I started for home from Mumbai I called up and gave Shiva the train name and the coach number...

Right there he was standing on the platform and smiling at me as my train reached Secunderabad...

"Saab kaise hain... Aur kaam sab thik thak ho gaya na" Asked the ever ebullient Shiva..

I told him that we have given the exam and the rest is left to God's design..

"Chinta nakko karo saab... aap ka zaroor ho jaayega.." Said Shiva confidently and I said a silent amen to it..

"Main aapke liye thoda biryani le aata hoon.. said Shiva and started to make way for fetching Biryaani... as he was leaving thus I caught hold of him and hugged him tightly..

"Rehne do dost, itna ehsaan aap kiye ho.. ab aur ehsaan kay bojh humare upar mat daalo..." I said as tears of gratitude rolled from my eyes uanabshedly...

I gave him the money we owed to him but he was not at all prepared to take it.. After much cajoling and convincing he took it rather reluctantly...

"Kabhi bhi aap saab Hyderabd aao toh mujhko zarror phone karna.. aap ko mein ghar leke jaata.." he shouted above all the din and noise as my train was leaving..

I saw the most richest man in the world that day standing in the platform and waving goodbye to me.. That day Shiva taught me that man is capable of doing immense good to his fellow human being... Only what is required is a big, kind lion heart of people like Shiva who though are poor but have never let go of the richness of their soul which shines forth like pure gold...

Few days after I got the result of TISS and my name was there, right on top of the list. Neither my senior nor any other person I knew had made it that year.. It was as if a vindication of what Shiva said

"Chinta nakko karo saab... aap ka zaroor ho jaayega.."

After that I have tried calling him several times but without success and still to this day hope that if somehow I bump in to him I will tell him the later part of the story and tell him how unknowingly he has been instrumental in shaping my life in to what it is today...

There are many Shivas in this world who just selflessly carry out small act of kindness which more often than not goes unacknowledged.. These are the kind gentle souls who though suffer themselves but learn to serve selflessly and try to alleviate the pains of others... A great lesson to all of us on our role in this world and towards humankind....

1408

Watched 1408 on Star Movies on Sunday. Though it was a Sunday night when I am supposed to fall back to my weekday work routine (by going early to sleep so that I wake up early on Monday and not be late for office) , this compelling movie forced me to wake up till 1 a.m in the night in what happened to be one of the best horror movie I have ever seen...

The plot unfolds with Mike Enslin (John Cusack) who is a writer writing in the genre of the ghost and paranormal... He has a panache for debunking supernatural occurrences after the untimely death of his daughter Katie.

After hearing from people the rumour of a hunted room numbered 1408 in the famous Dolphin Hotel in New York, he decides to visit the hotel armed with all legal know-how of securing the particular room as it was also heard that the hotel management never rents out that particular room to anybody. The manager of the hotel, is a man who has seen enough death and destruction in that room to allow anybody to even step in to it and tries out all trick in the book to ensure Enslin does not check in to that particular room. Adeptly portrayed by the seasoned Samuel L. Jackson the whole negotiation was brilliantly done with Jackson trying to dissuade Cussack in to checking in to that room but ultimately gives in to Cussack's adamant stand and also to the fear of a legal backlash on denying a guest a room when it is available...

After Enslin checks in the movie goes in to a total roller coaster ride as Cussack starts hearing noise, sees ghostly apparition, blood curdling imagery which sends chill down the spine.. My best moments are when he tries to rip off the radio from the plug (when it starts to play on its own) and even then the radio continues to play on...the other being when Enslin cries out to somebody on the front building to help him out and sees a person like him standing there and mimicking him in what happens to be a mirror image replication of his own activity..Among all such bizarre happening is the specter of him meeting with his father who is long dead and meeting his dead daughter who cries out "Daddy, Daddy" to him, he holds her in his arm and ultimately Katie dies in his arms yet again and suddenly turns in to dust..


After all the various forms of horror which seems to go on and on, Enslin decides to break this cycle by setting fire with the help of the Cognac he had with him and is rescued by the fire fighting team... He recovers and completes the novel on his recent experience.. Suddenly his wife Lilly finds and hands him a bag containing the remnants of his possession from the fire tragedy... A voice recorder he had with him...And he decides to play it..

In the entire movie every now and then Enslin would take a swig of the Cognac handed to him by the hotel manager and suddenly he remembers that the hotel manager may have mixed some chemical with some hallucinating substance.. I think that was the master piece as I am sure most of the audience (myself included) believed the same till the end...

Coming back to the voice recorder, on being played it plays out his various delirious conversation in to the recorder and his attempt to stay sane in that room in a time which seemed to be a distant past for him now.....

thats when we all hear the voice of his daughter Katie from the voice recorder which calls out "Daddy, Daddy"...

And the movie ends with deathly horror written all over the couple's face....

Best horror movie recommended over the week end and ensure that somebody is with you and you are not alone.... Not surely for the faint hearted...

The magic instant

	Another pearl of wisdom from Paulo Coelho whose update " The Warrior of Light" I get regularly. These are the types of inspiration that keeps one going in life. A must read article the excerpts of which are quoted below: "We have to take risks. We can only truly understand the miracle of life when we let the unexpected manifest itself. Every day – together with the sun – God gives us a moment in which it is possible to change everything that makes us unhappy. Every day we try to pretend that we don’t realize that moment, that it doesn’t exist, that today is just the same as yesterday and will be the same as tomorrow. But if you pay attention, you can discover the magic instant. It may be hiding at the moment when we put the key in the door in the morning, in the silence right after dinner, in the thousand and one things that all seem the same to us. This moment exists – a moment when all the strength of the stars passes through us and lets us work miracles. Happiness is at times a blessing – but usually it’s a conquest. The magic instant helps us to change, drives us forward to seek our dreams. We shall suffer and go through quite a few difficult moments and face many a disappointment – but this is all transitory and inevitable, and eventually we shall feel proud of the marks left behind by the obstacles. In the future we will be able to look back with pride and faith. Poor are those who are afraid of running risks. Because maybe they are never disappointed, never disillusioned, never suffer like those who have a dream to pursue. But when they look back – for we always look back – they will hear their heart saying: “What did you do with the miracles that God sowed for your days? What did you do with the talent that your Master entrusted to you? You buried it deep in a grave because you were afraid to lose it. So this is your inheritance: the certainty that you have wasted your life.” Poor are those who hear these words. For then they will believe in miracles, but the magic instants of life will have already passed. We must listen to the child that we once were, and who still lives within us. This child understands about magic instants. We can muffle his sobbing, but we can’t hush his voice. If we aren’t reborn, if we don’t see life again with the innocence and enthusiasm of childhood, then there is no more sense to living. There are many ways to commit suicide. Those who try to kill their body offend God’s law. Those who try to kill their soul also offend God’s law, although their crime is less visible to the eyes of man. Let us be heedful of what the child within us has to say. Let’s not feel ashamed of it. Let’s not allow it to feel afraid, because it’s lonely and is scarcely ever heard. Let’s allow the child within us to take the reins of our existence a little. This child says that one day is different from another. Let’s make the child feel loved again. Let’s please this child – even if it means acting in a way that we’re not used to, even if it seems foolish in the eyes of others. Remember that the wisdom of men is madness before God. If we listen to the child we bear in our soul, our eyes will shine once more. If we don’t lose contact with this child, we won’t lose contact with life..."