Now do n’t get me all wrong on
this… The title is bit of a misnomer… To be precise it is a total doosra in the guise of a straight one… in
fact I do not rock in mathematics… Its mathematics which rocks me to my grave…
To start off, I was not such a
sucker for mathematics…In fact a careful perusal of my earlier academic record would
prove matter to the contrary… Till the Vth standard I was a champ of
maths… I still remember how I had qualified for the junior scholarship entrance
examination and had scored a resounding 100% in mathematics…
Now what must be bewildering for
you is why on earth a champ and an undertaker of sort for mathematics,
be eternally petrified by numbers and their myriad permutations and combinations...
So here goes the chronological sequence
of events which converted my deep love of the subject to something of an abomination…
1. The
high school experience:
After passing out from the Vth
standard I joined a local medium high school in Cuttack my native city... The school
was supposed to be the best local medium school and was in fact a school run by
the board of secondary education in Orissa… I was high on spirit after my
latest conquest in academics in class V and was raring to go…
But there was a hitch here… A big
road block awaited me…
We had a class teacher who was
also happened to be our maths teacher… He belonged to the class of people who
strongly believed… ok corrections… who strongly practiced the ephemeral proverb
“spare the rod and spoil the child” with religious sincerity and dedication…
So come class time he will make
each of us come to the blackboard and solve problems one by one… and there he
will be standing behind with a cane in his hand and one slight mistake/error/omission,
phat…
the cane would come down with unforgiving force… So, much of our time was spent
on anticipating the blow rather than focusing on the problem at hand… While
the victim’s sense will be all sharp in anticipating the blow, others in the
audience would be gleefully watching them twist, turn and get tormented with a
sadistic pleasure which only children are capable of…
So for somebody like me for whom
solving maths problem was a joy and a pleasure, it went on to become a burden
and means of torture… from class topper in my earlier days I started topping
from the bottom of the class…
2.
The tuition
experience:
Alarmed at the rate of deterioration
of my mathematics skills as well as seeing me suffer in other subject as a
result of the frustration that I was going through, my parent decided that it
was time for me to get a private tuition… In those days there was no due diligence
done or no "KYC" kind of groundwork was done by the parents to select the
best for their kid… Most of the houses employed poor village student studying
in the local university and who needed the money to fend for themselves… So in
came our new teacher all of 20 and studying to major in English literature… So
while I needed a knight in shining armour to rescue from my internal demons and
restore back my old confidence, what I had in hand was a man who was happy
discussing “the- relevance -of Victorian -literature -in -contemporary -society
– An analysis” kind of discussion... Maths made him heave and yawn with strong
dose of excuses…It was really becoming tough after a point of time to decide
who hated maths most – me or my teacher…
3.
The
“De” fact finding mission:
By the time I was in class VIIth
the damage was total and complete. Laden with a monster of a teacher at school
and a no – do gooder as tuition teacher at home, the only direction I was going
as far as maths was concerned was south…. Coupled with this the fact that we
had recently changed house (from a rented facility to our own house which was
actually far from school) was not helping either… Here I was totally at the
mercy of my father who had taken up the responsibility of dropping me off on
his way to office… which practically rarely happened as we would always be late
reaching the school and most of the times did not make it…
I was in a similar predicament
like how rejected lovers are… Lovers who have been rejected by their beloved
and make desperate attempt at reconciliation, still nurture a slight flame of
hope in the deepest recess of their heart of a situation in which one day the beloved
will return… During such a time however, their mind plays truant and dark
ghosts of suspicion raises its ugly head every now and then..
In a similar manner I began
doubting the very intention of the questions in maths and started finding defects in the way they were
framed (remember I had a linguist teacher who helped me hone these skills)… So
all questions which stared with for “example”, “suppose”, “if“ (which constituted a sizeable chunk of English in mathematical problem) created a
rebellion in me of infinite proportion… “why
can’t they be straight and say that such and such are the numbers and situation
and just find what the hell is needed to be found” I asked myself … By
inserting such doubting words, they created more doubt in me of their genuineness…
4.
The
Gambia experience:
For 3 years we had the opportunity
to stay in The Gambia, West Africa as my parents had volunteered their time to
work as teachers in one of the mission school of our community. During this
time, we studied in the mission school where other volunteers like my parents
abound. We had a couple (known as the Ryan couple) who taught us. Among them Mr
Ryan taught us Biology… To hear and see him teach biology was something of a
spiritual experience… So clear were his thought and with such clarity he
conveyed it to us that it left all of us spell bound… The guy took great pain
in showing practical example of everything he taught us to the extent of
getting a centrifuge and dialysing his own blood to show the various components
of blood!
His dedication and sincerity
kindled my interest in Biology and since then there has been no looking back…
5.
My
sister’s contribution:
My sis and I
share a very close relationship being 1 and half years apart age wise. While
her “ragging” and using me as a “guinea pig” is subject of another blog /book,
her contribution to my failure in maths also begs for a place in history.
After one
scuffle, which siblings usually have, she got so pissed off that she actually
tore my book and hid it at a place of which she would not breathe a word. So I
went book - less for a better part of 6 moths and as I had finished my quota of
book buying I was not given any money to buy a new one. So I had to make do
with key books and answer guides which are probably not the best way of honing
your maths skills.
6.
The
college experience:
We came back
after 3 years, joined in the 9th Standard and completed my schooling
with just about pass marks for maths… I joined college and had maths as an
optional subject… However, my mother edged me on with words of caution that if
I don’t keep mathematics then I am actually shutting down a whole new avenue
namely engineering…
I kept dilly
dallying and did not do study the subject for a better part of the first year…
When things seem to go out of hand and I did very poorly in the internals that
my parent got alarmed and decided to take charge… My mother being a teacher got
the name of the best maths teacher and got me in to one his best batches even
though it was officially full.
This old
gentleman was a retired maths teacher... well to call retired would again be wrong
as he, with all due respect, was a decaying old man. Already in to his late eighties this gentleman
taught maths in the same manner as cooking lessons will be taught to the women
from slums organised by the YMCA…
His drawing
room would have lot of mats spread across the floor and you are supposed to sit
in concentric circle looking at the maestro solve sums and problems with gusto
and flourish… He would pull exercise book of students randomly and scribble on
it like a superstar… The only thing I learnt here was how to sit on the
opposite side of the fairer sex to have a ring side view as they squatted and
leaned forward (Got the drift… Right) to absorb the mathematics gyan thrown to
all and sundry by the maestro…
With such solid
preparation I inched closer to the final exam… it was time for us to complete
the registration for the examination and I think here is where I took the
boldest decision of my life...
I replaced maths with Economics as my optional
subject…
And I have been happy ever after…
However,
having side stepped and finally taken out maths from my life, I sometime wonder
if it is really out of my system as I am literally hounded by nightmares about
the subject…
Sometimes I
have the recurring nightmare that I am working in my job and have received a
notification from my old university to come and appear the Std. X maths
exam which I have not taken failing which all my other certificates and credentials
will be null and void... I take a long leave of absence to come and re-enrol in
my old school… I see all new boys excitingly discussing about maths problems
and find out that the board exams are just 2 weeks down the line… I re-live the
torture and hell through the 2 week as I see myself opening the voluminous
maths book and staring at it blankly without a clue of what is needed to be
solved and how…
I wake up with
a start and sit up sweating…
