Why I rock in mathematics !

Now do n’t get me all wrong on this… The title is bit of a misnomer… To be precise it is a total doosra in the guise of a straight one… in fact I do not rock in mathematics… Its mathematics which rocks me to my grave… 

To start off, I was not such a sucker for mathematics…In fact a careful perusal of my earlier academic record would prove matter to the contrary… Till the Vth standard I was a champ of maths… I still remember how I had qualified for the junior scholarship entrance examination and had scored a resounding 100% in mathematics…

Now what must be bewildering for you is why on earth a champ and an undertaker of sort for mathematics, be eternally petrified by numbers and their myriad permutations and combinations...

So here goes the chronological sequence of events which converted my deep love of the subject to something of an abomination…

1. The high school experience:

After passing out from the Vth standard I joined a local medium high school in Cuttack my native city... The school was supposed to be the best local medium school and was in fact a school run by the board of secondary education in Orissa… I was high on spirit after my latest conquest in academics in class V and was raring to go…

But there was a hitch here… A big road block awaited me…

We had a class teacher who was also happened to be our maths teacher… He belonged to the class of people who strongly believed… ok corrections… who strongly practiced the ephemeral proverb “spare the rod and spoil the child” with religious sincerity and dedication…

So come class time he will make each of us come to the blackboard and solve problems one by one… and there he will be standing behind with a cane in his hand and one slight mistake/error/omission, phat… the cane would come down with unforgiving force… So, much of our time was spent on anticipating the blow rather than focusing on the problem at hand… While the victim’s sense will be all sharp in anticipating the blow, others in the audience would be gleefully watching them twist, turn and get tormented with a sadistic pleasure which only children are capable of…

So for somebody like me for whom solving maths problem was a joy and a pleasure, it went on to become a burden and means of torture… from class topper in my earlier days I started topping from the bottom of the class…

2.       The tuition experience:

  Alarmed at the rate of deterioration of my mathematics skills as well as seeing me suffer in other subject as a result of the frustration that I was going through, my parent decided that it was time for me to get a private tuition… In those days there was no due diligence done or no  "KYC" kind of groundwork was done by the parents to select the best for their kid… Most of the houses employed poor village student studying in the local university and who needed the money to fend for themselves… So in came our new teacher all of 20 and studying to major in English literature… So while I needed a knight in shining armour to rescue from my internal demons and restore back my old confidence, what I had in hand was a man who was happy discussing “the- relevance -of Victorian -literature -in -contemporary -society – An analysis” kind of discussion... Maths made him heave and yawn with strong dose of excuses…It was really becoming tough after a point of time to decide who hated maths most – me or my teacher…

3.       The “De” fact finding mission:

By the time I was in class VIIth the damage was total and complete. Laden with a monster of a teacher at school and a no – do gooder as tuition teacher at home, the only direction I was going as far as maths was concerned was south…. Coupled with this the fact that we had recently changed house (from a rented facility to our own house which was actually far from school) was not helping either… Here I was totally at the mercy of my father who had taken up the responsibility of dropping me off on his way to office… which practically rarely happened as we would always be late reaching the school and most of the times did not make it…

I was in a similar predicament like how rejected lovers are… Lovers who have been rejected by their beloved and make desperate attempt at reconciliation, still nurture a slight flame of hope in the deepest recess of their heart of a situation in which one day the beloved will return… During such a time however, their mind plays truant and dark ghosts of suspicion raises its ugly head every now and then..

In a similar manner I began doubting the very intention of the questions in maths and started finding defects in the way they were framed (remember I had a linguist teacher who helped me hone these skills)… So all questions which stared with for “example”, “suppose”, “if“ (which constituted a sizeable chunk of English in mathematical problem) created a rebellion in me of infinite proportion… “why can’t they be straight and say that such and such are the numbers and situation and just find what the hell is needed to be found” I asked myself … By inserting such doubting words, they created more doubt in me of their genuineness…

4.       The Gambia experience:

For 3 years we had the opportunity to stay in The Gambia, West Africa as my parents had volunteered their time to work as teachers in one of the mission school of our community. During this time, we studied in the mission school where other volunteers like my parents abound. We had a couple (known as the Ryan couple) who taught us. Among them Mr Ryan taught us Biology… To hear and see him teach biology was something of a spiritual experience… So clear were his thought and with such clarity he conveyed it to us that it left all of us spell bound… The guy took great pain in showing practical example of everything he taught us to the extent of getting a centrifuge and dialysing his own blood to show the various components of blood!

His dedication and sincerity kindled my interest in Biology and since then there has been no looking back…

5.       My sister’s contribution:

My sis and I share a very close relationship being 1 and half years apart age wise. While her “ragging” and using me as a “guinea pig” is subject of another blog /book, her contribution to my failure in maths also begs for a place in history.

After one scuffle, which siblings usually have, she got so pissed off that she actually tore my book and hid it at a place of which she would not breathe a word. So I went book - less for a better part of 6 moths and as I had finished my quota of book buying I was not given any money to buy a new one. So I had to make do with key books and answer guides which are probably not the best way of honing your maths skills.

6.       The college experience:

 
We came back after 3 years, joined in the 9^th Standard and completed my schooling with just about pass marks for maths… I joined college and had maths as an optional subject… However, my mother edged me on with words of caution that if I don’t keep mathematics then I am actually shutting down a whole new avenue namely engineering…

I kept dilly dallying and did not do study the subject for a better part of the first year… When things seem to go out of hand and I did very poorly in the internals that my parent got alarmed and decided to take charge… My mother being a teacher got the name of the best maths teacher and got me in to one his best batches even though it was officially full.

This old gentleman was a retired maths teacher... well to call retired would again be wrong as he, with all due respect, was a decaying old man. Already in to his late eighties this gentleman taught maths in the same manner as cooking lessons will be taught to the women from slums organised by the YMCA… 

His drawing room would have lot of mats spread across the floor and you are supposed to sit in concentric circle looking at the maestro solve sums and problems with gusto and flourish… He would pull exercise book of students randomly and scribble on it like a superstar… The only thing I learnt here was how to sit on the opposite side of the fairer sex to have a ring side view as they squatted and leaned forward (Got the drift… Right) to absorb the mathematics gyan thrown to all and sundry by the maestro… 

With such solid preparation I inched closer to the final exam… it was time for us to complete the registration for the examination and I think here is where I took the boldest decision of my life...

 I replaced maths with Economics as my optional subject…

And I have been happy ever after…

However, having side stepped and finally taken out maths from my life, I sometime wonder if it is really out of my system as I am literally hounded by nightmares about the subject…

Sometimes I have the recurring nightmare that I am working in my job and have received a notification from my old university to come and appear the Std. X maths exam which I have not taken failing which all my other certificates and credentials will be null and void... I take a long leave of absence to come and re-enrol in my old school… I see all new boys excitingly discussing about maths problems and find out that the board exams are just 2 weeks down the line… I re-live the torture and hell through the 2 week as I see myself opening the voluminous maths book and staring at it blankly without a clue of what is needed to be solved and how…

I wake up with a start and sit up sweating…