Positive Attitude in life

Right now I am going through a patch in my life, which I will not call a very purple one. This week dad was diagnosed with renal calculi which simply put is stone in the kidney...

My dad who till now has been so healthy and fit... I could never imagine him one day coming under the surgeon's knife...

While all of us try to keep him in good spirit and lively, somewhere all of us have been hit hard by the news...

I personally have been feeling very lonely but being unable to express it to anybody...

Just now when I was feeling very down and out,I remembered one of the talk I had heard from Sudha Murthy...

Those were the days when I went in a contingent representing our state in the National youth Festival at Trivandrum in the January of 2003...

Sudha Murthy was invited as a speaker on one of the days (of the Youth Festival) in the morning but her flight was delayed and she arrived quite late in the afternoon.. She immediately arrived in the stage and got in to a conversation mode.. As she had to leave early she stated her dialogue by introducing herself..

Everything about the way she spoke... The way she presented things and her overall persona reflected so much humility, devoid of any ego or pride...Seeing her I remembered one of the saying in Oriya, which roughly translates in to " The tree, which bears fruit the most bends down the most".

Sudha Murthy started with a plea: not to ask her questions regarding how she met Narayan Murthy, How they fell in love etc etc.

The conversation started with the crowd and people posing a lot of question. And then somebody asked her a question which started the story…

“What keeps you going in life” A young boy from some obscure college was the one who asked the question…

Even when I think now it really amazes me to think the depth which this question had…

Sudha Murthy fell silent for what seemed a long time and then she looked up…

“ I know this is going to be long but I must tell you this story” Said Sudha Murthy. “ This story will be a long one and may be it will be the last discussion which we may have in this forum, but I want you to listen to this story as it carries a valuable lessons for all of us to implement in our respective life” spoke Sudha Murthy in the same solemn tone.

The following is a recollection of all I could remember from the story. I may not vouch for its veracity word by word but what I could vouch is the essence and the beauty of the story which I still could feel whenever I close my eyes and take a deep breath…

Sudha Murthy told us...

“ I joined Engineering College with lots of anticipation and eagerness typical of a fresher. I came from a typical middle class family and was imbued with the value typical of a south Indian family namely to be good to others, to one’s self, work hard and honestly and to have a bright outlook in life.

The 1st day of my college I was allotted my hostel room and could not wait for classes to finish for me to check out my room.. My own room.. Something I could call my own…

Coming from a typical middle class family, we had to share room among ourselves.. To get a room that too to one’s self was a luxury unthinkable by us…

After my classes got over I rushed to the hostel and after some searching got my room. It was a nice little room with a good view from the window… in my excitement I forgot to see some luggage which was being kept there previously… That’s when I saw Shikha…(lets call her Shikha for the sake of anonymity)

“ Who are you” she looked at me angrily and asked.

“ This room has been allotted to me”. I gave back with a vengeance typical of the middle class when pushed to a corner...

“ That Can not be.. This room is allocated to me” She retorted even strongly…

We decided to go to the hostel superintendent so that my due room is given to me (she on the other hand also thought like wise).. When we went to the superintendent she said that the room is on twin sharing basis and belonged to both of us now.. Both of us could not believe our ears but kept quiet as getting an outside accommodation was nearly impossible in that area…

After getting back to the room we waged a silent war against each other and did not talk for some time.. However, I broke the silence as I saw no logical end to this tension given both of us misunderstood the situation initially.. She was somehow skeptic initially but later accepted the truce offer…

Then it was all fun and we would gossip day and night and became very close pals… but suddenly I noticed something in her…

I noticed that whenever we would talk, Shikha would ultimately take to the darker side of everything and would see the negative in everything… initially I used to take it as a one off phenomenon but increasingly noticed that it was a regular trait with her..

Starting from morning when she will wake up and if you say it’s a beautiful morning, she will immediately turn back and say what a lousy morning it is, how the climate here sucks and how it was so good at home.. And she will not stop at that.. She will crib about every single thing in the campus, her daily life and everything else except herself.. Whom she considered to be victim of all the vagaries of nature and man..

Staying thus with Shikha was becoming intolerable with each passing day and more than my study I believed that I will lose the focus in my life as well the positivity that is within me.. I met up with the hostel superintendent and requested for a room change.. As I was a good student and a disciplined one too, the superintendent allotted me another room.. That was the last I knew of Shikha..

I got busy in my schedule, semester exams, practicals etc and almost forgot about Shikha. Then I met Narayan and we fell in love and ultimately got married… eventually we started Infosys..

Long after our college days, when I was working for the company, I got to travel to Goa in a rainy day of August…

Rains can be so unpredictable in this part of the worlds.. After the meeting I was just taking a stroll in the street when suddenly it seemed as if somebody threw a bucketful of water on me from top and I was drenched to the skin all over.. I ran to the nearest shelter (which happened to be a coffee house) and took shelter inside (in the meanwhile the rain outside had suddenly stopped and it was all so very dry outside.. I was flabbergasted)…

I decided to take a hot cup of good coffee before I have another round of hide and seek with the rain god…

that’s when I saw her...

My God.. What would I do now.. Now she would come and pour out all her woes of all these years on me (which will be nothing in comparison to the rain which has ‘poured’ itself on me).. I must do something to escape her attention… just when I was about to escape out side I heard the dreaded voice “Sudha” Sudha”…

I had to stop..

I looked around and saw Shikha standing in front of me.. Not changed a bit and looking the same as college days.. I feigned surprise and we said hello to each other… “Come lets have coffee.. we have a lot of catching up to do..” said Shikha… her voice had an amazing chirpiness and warmth in it..

We sat down to have coffee.. then Shikha stared to pick up the thread where we had left it so many years ago.. And all the while I dreaded the moment.. When all cribbing, negativity and pessimism will gush forth leaving me drenched, exhausted and bitter..

Surprisingly, Shikha has been now talking for last 30 minutes almost on her own (my contribution being a minor nod, a hmmm or a smile) and I could not detect a single tinge of negativity and pessimism in her entire conversation.. It was as if life was a big treat for her.. She was talking away as if she is a girl in a village fair who is amazed to see all the new and wonderful things.. having a ball of a life time…and enjoying it all..

I could control myself no more…

I spluttered it out there and then… “Shikha if you do nt mind may I ask you something.. And forgiver me if I may sound blunt”

“ please go ahead. Ask” said Shikha

“How come I don’t find the old college days Shikha I am so used to.. Where is the girl who used to crib day and night about everything under the sun? I have been hearing you for the last 30 mins and I have not heard a single complaint, grumbling and cribbing from you.. What has happened to the Old Shikha.. I finished in one breath

Shikha smiled sweetly and looked at me.. “It’s a long story and I will only tell you if you promise to stay with me tonight” Said Shikha

I was so curious that I was ready to do the world just to know what had happened to my old friend.. I accompanied her to her house.. After refreshments and all we sat down.. “ Do let me know now na” I was pleading to her like a school girl… Shikha looked at me with admonishing eyes of an elder and I recoiled… “ ok baba , I will tell you.." Said Shikha…

Remember Sudha, how I was in the colleges” said Shikha with a voice which sounded as if coming from a far away land.. “Those were the days when we had lots of family problem in the family going on and all that pressure was affecting me. I completed my B Tech and joined a small company and came to Goa. Those were the rainy season as we have now. And when it rains in Goa it pours around here.. For days people will not be able to get out of houses and all life would come to a standstill.. I so very hated the weather..

Once it rained for 5 days and no body could go out.. I just stayed in the house happily thinking of all the chhutti and the free time I will get away from office.. But the enthusiasm and happiness died around the second day.. By third day I was really irritated, angry and dark humored.. I cursed everything, my job, the weather, Goa, my fate, God etc etc.. While thus irritated I sat near my window and just watched the rain sheer frustration…

That’s when I saw them…

They were both an old man and his grand daughter who begged across the street and had taken shelter on one of the verandah nearby from the rain.. I was seeing them continuously for last 3 days and they had gone without food as there were no ‘business’ for them.. Their face looked pale and they looked famished…

All of a sudden the girl got up ran in to the rain and started getting soaked in to the purest of water and how happy she was.. Suddenly she started dancing..

The grandpa called for her and asked her to come in.. But no amount of cajoling or threat would work.. So the old man was forced to go out and drag her in..

When the old man reached her the girl held on to him by the trunk and pleaded with him to dance with her..

Slowly the old man danced…

thinking of all pain and tribulations that life has afflicted him with..

Remembering all the abuse that the society has heaped on him..

Feeling away all the insult and burden that life had thrown in his path...

Was he crying.. There was no way of knowing..

It was a slow form of intoxicating dance…

slowly, rhythmically he danced on.. With the girl shouting and dancing around him..

Suddenly his pace increased and the steps became faster..

It was as if all the pains, the trials and tribulations of his was being washed away by God Himself.. As if the downpour was sent by the Almighty to wash away all his pain.. Rejuvenate him… Resurrect him...

The pace got faster and now both the girl and the old man were dancing away frantically.. What joy, what rapturous delight… what unbound ecstasy both of them had on their face and on their entire being… the dance of the celebration of life itself continued outside…

Suddenly I found myself smiling all this while.. I was really surprised as I had not smiled or laughed for quite some time and was feeling stupid also to be laughing like an idiot…

Suddenly it dawned on me.. Its not the big thing in life like a good job, a better place, a healthy, fat bank statement, a snazzy standard of life which brings happiness to one’s life but it’s the small things in life like these which really makes life worth living.. and also to have the positive outlook to recognise this in all our pain, tribulations and trial… that’s what make life worth living…

suddenly I was crying like a baby…

I called both my teachers in side and served them food and with what delight and gusto they ate… as they wolfed down their food, I wiped my tears and made a resolution that day.. To be happy for each day of the rest of my life, to always be grateful to God and above all to have a positive outlook in life…

So the Shikha that you are looking for got lost somewhere that day and a new Shikha emerged.. I am just carrying out the promise that I made to myself on that day… it has made me happy to see myself making others around me happy and also being happy in their happiness.. I have also made a promise never to allow single moment of pessimism in my entire life and always to look at the brighter side of life… And that’s the whole story of the journey from the old to the new Shikha…

“All the while I was listening to her, I was amazed at the infinite possibility that human spirit is capable of and the huge transformation it is able to carry out in one’s own life as well as the lives of others. I was stirred and moved by Shikha’s story and really felt ashamed for avoiding her in the morning. Said Sudha Murthy

"This is my lesson in life for you. If you want to succeed and be a great man, unlock that goodness within you, that positive energy inside you, which will not only brighten your life but also bring happiness to others life because of you." She finished to a standing ovation from all audience

This is what Sudha Murthy told us one winter evening in January some 6 years ago.. It still echoes and reverberates in my mind and acts like a light post guiding my actions….

That was my first (and not hopefully last) interaction with Sudha Murthy. (For I look forward to meeting the great lady and thank her for making such a lasting impression on me and giving me a guiding light in my life). I have since then not met her or not read her immensely gifted books the latest of which is the “Gently falls the Bakuala”.

One important take away I have taken from that session with Sudha Murthy is thus:

"Never ever allow yourself to be bogged down by life for its you who has the capacity to overcome any odd successfully with a positive attitude, faith in the Almighty and a general goodwill to one and all"

How the city was pacified

I regularly get update from Paulo Coelho's web site and the latest one really touched me... Thought of sharing it with all of you. Here is the excrept of the tale " How the city was pacified" by Paulo Coelho...

"An old legend tells of how a certain city in the Pyrenees mountains used to be a stronghold for drug-traffickers, smugglers and exiles. The worst of them all, an Arab called Ahab, was converted by a local monk, Savin, and decided that things could not continue like that.
As he was feared by all, but did not want to use his fame as a thug to make his point, at no moment did he try to convince anyone. Knowing the nature of men as well as he did, they would only take honesty for weakness and soon his power would be put in doubt.
So what he did was call some carpenters from a neighboring town, hand them a drawing and tell them to build something on the spot where now stands the cross that dominates the town. Day and night for ten days, the inhabitants of the town heard the noise of hammers and watched men sawing bits of wood, making joints and hammering in nails.
At the end of ten days the gigantic puzzle was erected in the middle of the square, covered with a cloth. Ahab called all the inhabitants together to attend the inauguration of the monument.
Solemnly, and without making any speech, he removed the cloth.
It was a gallows. With a rope, trapdoor and all the rest. Brand-new, covered with bee’s wax to endure all sorts of weather for a long time.
Taking advantage of the multitude joined together in the square, Ahab read a series of laws to protect the farmers, stimulate cattle-raising and awarding whoever brought new business into the region, and added that from that day on they would have to find themselves an honest job or else move to another town. He never once mentioned the “monument” that he had just inaugurated; Ahab was a man who did not believe in threats.
At the end of the meeting, several groups formed, and most of them felt that Ahab had been deceived by the saint, since he lacked the courage he used to have. So he would have to be killed. For the next few days many plans were made to this end. But they were all forced to contemplate the gallows in the middle of the square, and wondered: What is that thing doing there? Was it built to kill those who did not accept the new laws? Who is on Ahab’s side, and who isn’t? Are there spies among us?
The gallows looked down on the men, and the men looked up at the gallows. Little by little the rebels’ initial courage was replaced by fear; they all knew Ahab’s reputation, they all knew he was implacable in his decisions. Some people abandoned the city, others decided to try the new jobs offered them, simply because they had nowhere to go or else because of the shadow of that instrument of death in the middle of the square. Some time later the place was at peace, it had grown into a great business center on the frontier and began to export the best wool and produce top-quality wheat.
The gallows stayed there for ten years. The wood resisted well, but now and again the rope was changed for another. It was never put to use. Ahab never said a single word about it. Its image was enough to change courage to fear, trust to suspicion, stories of bravado to whispers of acceptance. After ten years, when law finally reigned in Viscos, Ahab had it destroyed and replaced by a cross."

Love left us?

I was chatting with a friend who had a status message which said that marriage is the only war in which you have to sleep with your enemy.

This got me thinking... of course I am married ( no prize for guessing that....) so howz really my married life faring... does this statement has any buzz of truth in it...
and so I reflected on my 1 and a half years of married life and tried to seek some truth in the statement.. but alas.. I could not put a finger on any point in this period which even had an iota of resemblance to what the statement was trying to say...

Although I am a novice in to the world of marriage and the issues attached to it, I can perfectly well say that ours has been a fruitful relationship in which we are friends to each other rather than husband and wife... In which we share a camaraderie which is complete with bonhomie and a jest for life... The thing that really makes our relationship stand apart is the fact that in this short time, how well we understand each other, the small nuances of likes and dislikes... the small things which upsets us to no end... etc etc What I really enjoy in our marriage is the fact that we so love to pull each others legs... over one's mannerism.. one's snobbishness... I think the worst hit has been our Bhanjas whom we endlessly make fun and caricature of....

Long back (during my TISS days) I was reading one of the books by Paulo Coelho. (I think it was The Alchemist... those were the days when I had Devaji who used to be my room mate. Devaji was high on philosophy and enjoyed abstract art and writing. Since that day I have come to love Paulo coelho for his immensely inspirational, philosophical and 'loaded' books on life and consider Devaji as an elder brother and guide).

In this book the author narrates a small fable (I think some middle east fable) where a woman and man gets estranged and divorced. After their estrangement, one day both went to meet a holy man of great renown. The holy man was very famous for his deep insight in to human lives and intricacies of human relations.

They wanted to seek the blessing of the holy man and also to know about their lives more closely.

The holy man chatted for a long time without broaching for even a single moment about their estrangement. They discussed the weather, politics and religion among many other things..

It was long in to the evening and was time for them to leave...

They sough his blessings and were about to leave... Suddenly they heard the voice of the Holy Man from behind " So why did you leave each other" ...
This resulted in a heated discussion by both parties justifying their position and accusing each other of all kinds of vices possible which led to their estrangement...
"But my question is why did you people leave each other" asked the Holy Man in the same calm voice as before... The couple fell silent and remained so for a long time... May be they were introspecting....

A long time ensued and suddenly , as if by divine design, both of them simultaneously spoke out " "We did not leave each other.... but Love left us"

What an irony of life this is.... in real life its not individual who leave each other.. its not lover who fall out because of themselves... its is because at some point in our lives ,the love in our life leaves us... disappears leaving us loveless...

When one looks around one's surrounding we see failed marriages... family breaking like pack of cards... lovers shouting themselves hoarse on how unkind the other person have been...

In such a context how true does the word of the couple sounds even to this day....

"We did not leave each other.... but Love left us"

As I look forward to a happy, mature and fruitful relationship with my companion, my friend and my love... I just wish that Love never leaves us and that we are never left feeling loveless in our entire life.. Amen

The art of conversation

Yesterday was part of a small get together or 'Dawat' so to say in Urdu term. There were quite a few people in the get together but strangely apart from the normal exchange of greeting and pleasantries rarely people spoke with each other.. It was not as if they were not in speaking terms with each other, but all of them were glued to the T.V set which was showing the IPL or some Hindi movie... The only point of conversation also emanated from the visuals being seen on the T.V... of whether the decision by the coach of a certain team to have multiple captains was sensible or not... or whether the histrionics of some actor was better than some other actor etc etc... Nobody seems to be talking to each other on their own life, what their journey has been, or keen to understand what other is goin thru.. I am not suggesting in a sense to say that peeping in to anybody's life is what I would call an ideal conversation... But then talking about real person, real story would be so much more real and empathetic than just sitting around the idiot box and talking about people who matter very less in our life...

I still remember with absolute nostalgia the good old (pre television) days of child hood... when we would all gather at our Nana's place and all of our elders would sit in a circle after lunch or dinner and will have such hearty chat.. whether it would be friendly bantering between by my father and my uncle ( the popular Jija - Sala rishta comin in to force) or the michevious leg pulling conversation of my Khalu with his only Saali i.e my mom...

The conversation used to be so hilarious, that people will choke on their laugh while some will have tears in their eyes laughing continuously while some would just roll with uncontrollable laughter... simple things in life like mimicking some relative or some known person's mannerism or just the simple relating together of my Nana with his son - in laws as regards various anecdotes in the jobs of the later with the job that the the former did...

Even as kids we would roam around and play together.. while at the same time talking to each other about what we did in our schools, who all are the friends that we made and the new games we have learnt etc etc.. The conversation used to extend long in to night till our moms would forcibly put us in to beds to sleep...

Its not only the personal life that I find now to be affected by this lack of friendly talk and the gradual fading away of an art called the Art of Conversation.. Now everybody seems to be leading a virtual life... plugged to an Internet, people are clued in to the large global community and it is this place where socialisation is carried out.. umpteenth social sites like Orkut, Facebook etc have taken away from us ordinary mortals the gift of an Innocent conversation and may be somewhere along the line deprived the joy of a hearty laugh with a real human being for a change...