The saying goes something like this - " alliance and the chances of acquiring a property is already decided in heaven" which must be true coz looking at both the proposition and the chances of landing a good deal in either, is a game of probability which can only be taken up by die hard mathematics scholar/fan working over a weekend during Christmas in one of the U.S Ivy league universities ...(hope you got the drift)
For me, luckily on the alliance front, things worked out pretty OK given that I was lucky enough to "net" a girl who has turned out to be a good companion for me over the years...
However, talking holistically,I am not so lucky on the property front...
Nevertheless, what I have encountered in my umpteenth attempt of landing a property (mostly in Bhubaneswar coz that is where I see myself spending my post - retired life), is the comic and almost hilarious situation that one finds one's self as the market bears down on you with all its force to capture you as a customer...
So here goes the list in no particular order:
1. The eager beavers:
And this I can say of almost all the property dealers... No sooner have you surfed the net and God forbids click on their property, they hound you down as how Sajid Khan does to his audience after they have committed the cardinal sin of buying a ticket to watch his umpteenth movies... Couple of years ago, when I was just an eager buyer looking for a plot of land in Bhubaneswar (God!! how naive was I? Are there any land left in Bubaneswar which does not belong to land grabbers, multiple owners, the land mafia or the government??), No sooner did I click on magicbircks that my phone started beeping with messages and I start getting calls. BTW, magicbricks should actually be re named as magictricks coz the myriad of ways they employ of tracking you down is mind boggling and is just short of sending you a flower bouquet with suggestion of property instead of a card.
Anyways, once I decided that I will have a go at it, I really started answering proactively to few of my "suitors"... It was like talking to a pimp for business (not that I have any first hand experience, I must confess). Sample this conversation:
Me: I read about your property in net. So what is on offer?
Dealer : (politely smiling) Sir, that depends on what you are looking for?
Me: Well you know the usual. Attractive, large and with enough space for freedom
Dealer: Well Sir, we have exactly the thing for you. Our property at XYZ location meets exactly what you are looking for.
Me: Ok. But what is the price we are looking at?
Dealer: (Smiling like Jeevan from an old Bollywood movie) Sir, all that can be negotiated. You can come for a site visit if you want to. Pick up and drop is our responsibility. Free of charge.
Me: If I don't like the property?
Dealer: No problem Sir. We would do it for you considering good relationship in future too. heehehehehe. ( I could just imagine the betel stained teeth through which such flowery smile was emanating from)
Once I stuck a deal with one such dealer, well to be precise 3 such dealers, and every body promised to pick me up at a prime location in Bhubaneswar if I just told them the date and time.I gave them the same time wanting them to beat each other to the chase and decided whoever comes first, will go with them. I had given 9 a.m to all the three and lo and behold! one of them actually came and met me with a SUV at 8.45 a.m!
2. The marketing pundit:
These are the group of real estate guys who believe in combining the power of marketing, social media and Internet to sell themselves and their product. Their website is the best designed website of the lot and their marketing executives are the sharpest. A perusal of their website would take you through a dream trip of the dream accommodation that they are trying to build for you and ONLY YOU! Looking at the computer designed layouts and gated community pictures, you are forced to exclaim like Bahadur Shah Zafar " if there is heaven on earth, then here it is, here it is, here it is..."
Now that they get you all mesmerised with their marketing gizmo, they will swoop down like agile vultures as soon as you give them a call (call you will my friend coz of the amount of money that these people have spent in getting the kind of talents to develop the content which is sure to arrest your attention)
3. The doomsayers:
These are real estate developers who will paint a bleak picture of the future where your wife looks like Nirupa Roy sewing cloth to make ends meet, you are coughing and withering away old man like Anu kapoor in Shyam Benegal's art movie or horror of horrors you are made to see a Sunny Leone movie directed by Sajid Khan !!!
But on a serious note, these people will "sell" their property to you by saying that they are running a special offer which would end by the week/moth's end and/or that you are the special customer who has won a lucky draw and entitled for a special discount...
If you are not convinced about the deal and show a lack of interest, then they would come down to the level of asking you to quote your special price which they would try and push with "senior management"!
4. The "Honey Trappers":
These group of people will have smart executive and office asistant from the fairer sex who would talk to you on a conversation path which will be similar to the following (please keep in mind that the voice will be husky, inviting and really seductive- a la Bips basu ishtyle):
Client: Hello, I am interested in your property ( now... not "her" property but the company's property! Horror of horrors man! What were you thinking!)
Executive: May I know what Sir is looking for coz we have so much to offer (with the hint of a naughty smile)
Client: (now all charged up) Well I had something happening in mind. I hope you understand. something which is not the mundane or ordinary. something which will make you sit up
Executive: I believe you have come to the right place finally (giggles). We have so and so property at so and so place which exactly meets your fine taste
Client: What are the costs?
Executive: (With a show of feminine artificial anger which the female species are so well capable of ) What Sir? You have reduced us to mere rupees and paisa? We value our customer beyond the money and property and that is why they hold on to us (Last I heard, one of their property which was on a flood prone area and the houses were literally washed away in the rain and people living therein were seen holding on to pillars and posts literally)
Client: Ok Ok. I am sorry. That was not the intention (obviously angry with himself for talking about mere rupees and paisa and spoiling the good relationship and putting the pretty damsel in distress)
Executive: (brightening up) So Sir, tell me when are you coming to meet me... errr.. us?
Client: (obviously unable to speak due to the surge of various hormones in his blood stream and also due to the fact that not only in his life time but in the life time of his entire extended family, has any girl not related to them, spoken in such a nice... errr... seductive way) heheehehehe
Executive: Tell me no Sir... When are you coming?
Client : ( To himself - If my wife ever spoke to me like this then I will keep on coming... pun intended) Well lets see... (see in these cases you should appear to be busy and not really care for the chick. That's what makes them go hot on you all over.) I am kind of busy for the whole of this month.... Hmmmmm. Well lets see, next month.... can be a possibility....
Exectuive: Reallllllllllllllly Sirrrrrrrrr... am so delighted... I... err... we can not wait to meet you. Make it fast Sir.
Client: Of course I will (you have no idea of how fast I want to make it. Why the hell did I say next month. I could go this month, this week... what the hell.. today... Well I guess its the male ego on me that always plays the spoiler :(
Well that brings me to the end of my brief experience with real estate with the hope of getting a propoerty. if you have any such experience do share...
